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My Scene

Several weeks ago I wrote a few posts about a dual-writing exercise that my writer’s group completed. (Dual Writing Exercise) We each started a scene and then another member of the group completed it. (Dual Writing Exercise – Part Deux) It was a fun exercise. However, being a bit of a control freak where my writing is concerned, I thought I would finish my own scene the way it was morphing in my own head. I admit I cheated in that I took longer than 30 minutes to write my ending. But, it was finished in one sitting with very little editing. Rough though it may be, a like the way it played out and can see some interesting future possibilities. So, here is my version of the scene.

The stench of stale beer and bad cigar smoke burned my nose and stung my eyes as I entered waterfront dive called the Broken Tankard. Tears filled my eyes from the smokey irritation. I blinked several times before the room came into focus.

A swirl of faces turned in my direction and quickly returned to the interests at hand. I walked toward the dark stained bar that ran along the back wall. My boots stuck to the floor as I picked my way through the jungle of tables and occupied chairs. Stains from semi-dried beer, blood, and other noxious fluids covered the floor. I tried to step around the worst of it. But, there were few dry spots to find. Two women stood on the stairs that led to the second floor. Wearing little more than undergarments, they tried to catch the eye of the patrons.

I continued to the bar but refrained from touching it as it was no cleaner than the floor.

“What do you want?” asked a small wiry man from behind the bar. His beady eyes never left mine as he carefully replaced a bottle beneath the bar.

Through the stench of the smoke and beer, I smelled the distinct chocolate aroma of magic coming from the man behind the bar.

“I’m looking for this woman,” I said as I handed him a faded photograph. “I was told she used to work here.”

The man looked at the picture of young woman wearing a wedding dress. She had a crescent-shaped birthmark on her neck. He glanced to the women on the stairs and then handed the picture back to me.

“Maybe I have seen her. Why are you looking for her?”

I stuffed the picture into my shirt pocket and said, “She’s my mother.”

A shriek from behind me drew my attention. I looked over my shoulder and saw a tiny bedraggled sprite take to the air from one of the tables. Across the table sat an equally bedraggled ogre who, until a moment ago, had been playing checkers with the now airborne sprite. The sprite drew what appeared to be a large darning needle from its belt and flew up to attack the huge ogre. Even seated the ogre was nearly seven feet tall.

“Die cheater,” the sprite screamed as it lunged up at the ogre’s face.

            The ogre calmly swatted at the enraged sprite. The ogre’s massive hand struck the sprite and launched it towards the wall. The sprite hit the stone wall with an audible spat. Its crumpled body slid down the wall until it lay unmoving on the sticky floor. No one lifted a finger to help.

            ”Nice place you have here…,” I said as I turned back to the bartender. “…Mom.”

            Standing where the wiry bartender had been, was the woman from the picture. She looked the same even though the picture was a century old. In place of the wedding gown were jeans and a black tank top.

            “I see you still prefer to hide in plain sight,” I said. “Your illusion was nearly flawless.”

            “Simpler is usually better,” she said flatly. Her forehead showed several small furrows as she looked at me.

            “Yeah. You’ve said that a time or two.”

            My mother was a powerful wizard, capable of holding her own with anyone or anything that wandered into her territory. Why she was hiding out in this flophouse was anyone’s guess. Her right hand was still out of sight beneath the bar. That made me a little nervous. She was still alive because she trusted no one. That she held no trust for her only son was not that surprising. I slowly took my hands out so she could see they were empty.

            “Why are you here, boy,” she asked.

            “First, the name you gave me was Derek. I’ve grown accustomed to it over the past one hundred and thirty-four years.”

            Her eyes narrowed slightly and I couldn’t help the slight upturn to the corner of my mouth.

            “Secondly, I have a message from your husband.”

            “So what does your dear old stepdad have to say?”

            “He passed through the Veil two weeks past. He asked me to find you.”

“So you have, out with it. What did he want to tell me, I have work to do?”

“He still loved you. Why I can’t explain.” I shook my head slightly as I continued, “That’s what he wanted me to tell you.”

“The man was a fool,” Mom said.

“That…” I cut her off before she could say anything else. “…is the first thing you’ve said in a hundred years that I agree with. He should have run when he saw you coming. You treated him like shit even though he worshiped the ground you walked on.”

I took a step forward. She responded by leaning back away from the bar and I saw the orb in her right hand.

“Leaving us was the best thing that you ever did. Good-bye, Mother.” I turned and began walking for the door.

“You spoiled brat. Do you think you can come into my territory, insult me, and then just walk out? Turn around you little son of a bitch!”

I waved my hand as if brushing her comment away and kept walking. The next second, a blast of energy washed over me as a wave crashes over a rocky shore. Tables, chairs, and patrons went flying before her spell, crashing into the far wall of the bar. I stopped in mid-stride and turned slowly to face the most powerful wizard on this half of the continent. She stood behind the bar and her eyes were at first, wide but she quickly recovered her composure. Her arm stretched over her head. The orb streamed red and orange flashes between her fingers. She flicked her left hand and I heard the front door slam. She looked at me from head to toe.

“I see your stepfather taught you a few things.”

“One or two.”

“Are you challenging me?” she asked. The light from the orb began to throb with power.

“I have no intention of challenging you mother,” I said as I began walking slowly toward her. I had waited a long time for this moment. “I just have a bit of advice for you.”

“And that would be?”

“Stay out of trouble and do not give me cause to return here.”

I stopped a few feet sort of the bar and she began to laugh.

The laughter stopped and her face took on a dangerous look, “And what if I don’t?”

I pulled back my jacket to expose a pin on my shirt the size of a half-dollar. The shape of the pin was that of a silver circle with two interconnected crescent moons within it, the four-moon phases device worn by the wizard king’s marshals.

“I will come back and I will kill you,” I said without emotion.

She stared at the pin in disbelief. Without waiting for her to comment, I turned and walked toward the door. I called on the device as I approached the door and the wards mother had placed there melted away. Then, just for spite, I walked through the door without opening it. As my body coalesced out on the street, I couldn’t help smiling at the thought of my father and stepdad looking down and laughing.

“Thank you. That was almost worth it,” I said aloud.

I stepped into my jeep and headed north out-of-town. A warlock in Taos was stalking a famous actress and the Wizard King liked her movies.

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2012 in Actress and the Warlock

 

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The First Person

Most of my reading of late has been by authors, Jim Butcher and Kevin Hearne, who utilize the first person point of view in their urban fantasy series’. I enjoy the intimacy that this POV provides into the protagonist. I feel like I know these characters. I truly feel like I’m in their heads and feeling their pain. Usually, I end up screaming at them, sometimes out loud, that they should do something different because they obviously are too stupid to see what’s coming. My wife tends to look at me with disgust and shake her head when I get too loud. Anyway, I had not given much consideration to writing in first person for my fiction until a few weeks ago. I have written a few first person experiential vignettes but always looked to third person for my fantasy work.

During a writer’s group timed exercise I just started writing in first person. To say it was different would be a gross understatement. I had to keep telling myself to stay out of the secondary character’s heads. My protagonist would have no idea what the other individual was thinking except by watching and listening to other character’s reactions. Why I have not looked at this before is beyond me.

As I began to evaluate the exercise, it dawned on me that first person is a natural vehicle for a fantasy writer. When we fantasize, don’t we tend to put ourselves into the fantastic situation? We don’t know what the outcome will be and we certainly don’t have all the information of the universe at our disposal. We have to react without knowledge of other’s motivations.

The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of taking one of my favorite characters, jump into their body, and take it for a spin without regard to what I think I know about their world. I did create it after all.

First, I plan to take my original exercise piece and finish the scene the way it was playing out in my head when I wrote the opening. It is somewhat different from how my fellow writer finished it (see Dual Writing Exercise – Part Deux).

Then, I think Yursi Sonal, my protagonist from a short story and several flash pieces, will become my experiment. Don’t worry, she won’t mind. In my world, she trusts me. 😉 I have another short story idea for her that I will try with first person.

So, before I plunge headlong into this without a care in the world, I have a few questions for those of you who are intimately familiar with this POV. What are some of the major issues that you have struggled with? E.g. Exposition of information the protagonist needs to know, continuity of antagonist’s motivations and actions, internal dialogue, etc. Do you prefer writing is first or third person? Why?

 
13 Comments

Posted by on June 11, 2012 in Other Strangeness

 

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Reality, what a concept!

I have not spent an entire week at home for nearly two months. Between business travel (Anaheim, CA and New Orleans, LA) and family emergencies (3 trips to Iowa), even my own bed felt foreign when collapsed into it last Wednesday night. I have settled into my new job and the travel should be over for the most part. However the stress surrounding my mother-in-law’s passing will continue for a while until the estate gets settled. So… as things begin to settle down, I should be able to devote more time to my blog and more importantly to my writing in general. I am looking forward to getting back in the saddle. My travel and recent reality checks have fueled my imagination. The French Quarter of New Orleans is a real good place to find inspiration for unusual places and people.

Since I have missed several meetings for both of my writer’s groups, I need to get some material ready for submission. I have a couple new scenes for “Smoke and Goblet”, rattling around in my head that are just dying to get out.

Then there is trying to catch up on all of your postings (several hundred)! I hate missing some of your incredible insights. So it may take me a few days to work through them all.

Some of my upcoming topics will include first person POV, some additional views on the dual-writing exercise from previous posts, my recently remodeled home office (I.e. writing space), another vignette relating to campfires, and anything else that needs to be released.

 
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Posted by on June 4, 2012 in Other Strangeness

 

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Dual Writing Exercise – Part Trois

My final installment of the results of this exercise is the opening provided by Leah Stennes Renner (with permission) followed by the conclusion which I provided. Once again the rules were that we had thirty minutes to read the opening and draft a conclusion to the scene/story. With no time to edit, it’s a pretty rough.

Leah’s Opening

The baseball bat had been in the house since they moved in. When they first stepped into the house, it laid in the middle of the kitchen like someone dropped it in their haste to vacate. But a baseball bat? What a random object to leave behind. Especially one that had no markings on it, not even a maker’s name. The finish had been perfect, the wood grain completely straight. Not even the boy’s childhoods of using it for everything from actual baseball games as kids, to knocking down the condemned shed as adolescents, to smashing mailboxes as young adults, had marred its surface. It had been a lucky charm for them, the bat that couldn’t be dented. What a fitting totem for a family such as this.

But now that moving day loomed, the whole family found themselves in a silly situation of arguing about what to do with it. Somehow over the years, although it had endeared itself to everyone, even Mavis who only used it as a makeshift leg for her broken easel, no one felt that they owned it. It was as much a part of the house as the sink or the Kool-Aid stain on the white carpet. It had been a good luck charm in the house. How could they ever separate them? But did that mean they were throwing it away? Could anyone find it in their hearts to throw it away?

Dennis’s Conclusion

“We can’t leave it. It hit the grand slam that won the 2007 little league World Series for us,” said Dirk. “It’s worth a fortune.”

“I agree it can’t be left behind,” Dad’s voice boomed from the kitchen. “It protected your mother during the break-in and with me going to the home soon, she’ll need it more than ever. You all won’t be around.”

I looked at the bat leaning against the wall under the painting Mavis had painted of the crabtree out back. Its perfect pale color contracted with the bright pink blooms of the tree. Dad was right. We were all going our separate ways. Even if we took it, who of us would take care of it.

“So, you think mom should keep it?” I asked dad as he came into the livingroom with a fresh bottle of beer.

“I do,” he replied and dropped into his recliner.

“As long as it stays in the family, I don’t care who keeps it,” Dirk added.

Mother finally spoke, “I’m not so sure we shouldn’t just leave it for the new owners. I always felt uncomfortable when it was out of the house.”

“That’s crazy, mom,” Dirk said. “It’s just a bat.”

**************

The next morning we loaded up the moving truck, left San Diego, and drove to Mom’s new house. Dad has placed the bat in the back seat of the station wagon. After we had unloaded everything, dad couldn’t find the bat.

“I remember moving it to put ice in the cooler when we stopped in Fresno,” he said as he dug through the boxes in the new livingroom. “It’s got to be here somewhere.”

**********

That same day the Baker family pulled up outside their new home in San Diego. The crabtrees were blooming and two young boys burst from the minivan and ran into the house. A moment later they came outside holding a baseball bat.

“Look what we found!”

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2012 in Other Strangeness

 

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Dual Writing Exercise – Part Deux

In my April 21st post, I told you about an exercise my writer’s group was working on. Each of us offered up an opening to a story. Then, at our next meeting we shuffled up the openings and passed them out so that everyone had someone elses opening to work from. We were given 30 minutes to finish the scene/story as best we could while trying to maintain the essence of the opening. I will begin by repeating my opening and then show you how my fellow writer and blogger Scott Weber (with his permission) finished the scene. He went places I did not have in mind when I started. But having read my work, he certainly kept the spirit going. Thanks, Scott.

Dennis’ opening:

The stench of stale beer and bad cigar smoke burned my nose and stung my eyes as I entered waterfront dive called the Broken Tankard. Tears filled my eyes from the smokey irritation. I blinked several times before the room came into focus.

A swirl of faces turned in my direction and quickly returned to the interests at hand. I walked toward the dark stained bar that ran along the back wall. My boots stuck to the floor as I picked my way through the jungle of tables and occupied chairs. Stains from semi-dried beer, blood, and other noxious fluids covered the floor. I tried to step around the worst of it. But, there were few dry spots to find. Two women stood on the stairs that led to the second floor. Wearing little more than undergarments, they tried to catch the eye of the patrons.

I continued to the bar but refrained from touching it as it was no cleaner than the floor.

“What do you want?” asked a small wiry man from behind the bar. His beady eyes never left mine as he carefully replaced a bottle beneath the bar.

Through the stench of the smoke and beer, I smelled the distinct chocolate aroma of magic coming from the man behind the bar.

“I’m looking for this woman,” I said as I handed him a faded photograph. “I was told she used to work here.”

The man looked at the picture of young woman wearing a wedding dress. She had a crescent-shaped birthmark on her neck. He glanced to the women on the stairs and then handed the picture back to me.

“Maybe I have seen her. Why are you looking for her?”

I stuffed the picture into my shirt pocket and said, “She’s my mother.”

Scott Finishes the scene:

“Kind of a funny place for a family reunion” he said with a smile. He probably thought he was being clever. I was in no mood for clever.

“Have you seen her” I said.

“Maybe I have, and maybe I haven’t. What’s it worth to you?”

“If it’s something I believe, it’s worth 5 silver.”

“What if you don’t believe it?”

“Then I leave…..but maybe that spell you’re using on the girls upstairs happens to fail. Be a shame if those miners realize exactly who their spending their paychecks on.” The barkeep got a sour look on his face. Maybe he was thinking another clever comment. Maybe he was thinking of spell. I pulled aside my coat and showed him the Glock in my shoulder holster. “Do you really think you can get another spell going faster than I can draw this and pull the trigger? From this distance I won’t even have to aim…” The little barkeep weighed his options. He came to the most logical conclusion.

“Lets see some silver.”

I put five silvers down on the bar. “So, you seen her or not?”

“Yeah, I seen her. Hard to forget that mark on her neck. Most women it would make them cheaper, but on her it really worked. Called herself Chessie, after something called a Cheshire cat she told me. Whatever that is. That had to be three years ago, though.”

“Where’d she go?”

“How the hell should I know? She was always disappearing then coming back whenever the hell she wanted to. I do recall that she took off for good right after them elves opened up that gamblin place up Nevada way.”

“Vegas?” I said dumbfounded. “You’re tellin me she went to Vegas?”

“All I know is that one day the story is in the paper and she is all excited about it. The nest day she was gone.”

I picked up two of the silvers from the bar and headed for the door. “Hey, you said five silvers!”

“That was before you said Vegas.”

In the parking lot I started up the trike and put on my goggles. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Best place to hide was in plain sight, right next to whose looking for you. She could blend there being part elf and an illusionist. How could she possibly hide the stone though? It would practically scream it’s presence to the elven mages. Have to figure that out later I guess. Vegas was maybe 600 miles and I was running out of time.

**Next time I’ll post the opening that I worked with and the way I chose to finish it.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on May 14, 2012 in Other Strangeness

 

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Dual Writing Exercise

My regular writer’s group decided on an interesting writing exercise. Each of us is to prepare a ~250 word opening scene to a story. the next time we meet the scenes will be shuffled and handed out so that no writer gets their own story. The task will be to continue the story. Whether you finish the story or not is your choice. We will then critique each “Complete” story. What follows is my entry to the opening scenes. I hope to share both the final version of this story and the story that I complete. We’ll see if the other writers are willing to share.

The stench of stale beer and bad cigar smoke burned my nose and stung my eyes as I entered waterfront dive called the Broken Tankard. Tears filled my eyes from the smokey irritation. I blinked several times before the room came into focus.

A swirl of faces turned in my direction and quickly returned to the interests at hand. I walked toward the dark stained bar that ran along the back wall. My boots stuck to the floor as I picked my way through the jungle of tables and occupied chairs. Stains from semi-dried beer, blood, and other noxious fluids covered the floor. I tried to step around the worst of it. But, there were few dry spots to find. Two women stood on the stairs that led to the second floor. Wearing little more than undergarments, they tried to catch the eye of the patrons.

I continued to the bar but refrained from touching it as it was no cleaner than the floor.

“What do you want?” asked a small wiry man from behind the bar. His beady eyes never left mine as he carefully replaced a bottle beneath the bar.

Through the stench of the smoke and beer, I smelled the distinct chocolate aroma of magic coming from the man behind the bar.

“I’m looking for this woman,” I said as I handed him a faded photograph. “I was told she used to work here.”

The man looked at the picture of young woman wearing a wedding dress. She had a crescent-shaped birthmark on her neck. He glanced to the women on the stairs and then handed the picture back to me.

“Maybe I have seen her. Why are you looking for her?”

I stuffed the picture into my shirt pocket and said, “She’s my mother.”

 
8 Comments

Posted by on April 21, 2012 in Other Strangeness

 

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